Anarcho Punk

Being an anarcho punk is no easy task. First and foremost, it requires a lot of vocal endurance, as you will spend most of your waking hours bitching and whining about the government and establishment.

Secondly, it takes physical endurance. You can expect to take a few beatings from riot squad cops. Be sure to bring your camera though, so you can take pictures of yourself posing as a helpless victim of an unfair, oppressive, and corrupt system (which would surely dissapear, should anarchy be in place). Then you can give the pictures to an anarcho punk magazine that nobody reads so you can be a martyr for all punks everywhere.

Lastly, a lot of mental stamina is required. You will be constantly thinking -- using every bit of brainpower you can -- of new ways to feel oppressed and victimized. This is quite possibly the hardest task of all, as not many people have this kind of mental discipline.


If you were to think that anarchist punks don't have a fashion, you would be horribly mistaken. There is of course only one color to wear though, and that's black.


Get black shirts. Black black black. Get shirts with crass or conflict band logos on them.


Get extremely tight black pants. Sew patches on them of bands like Nausea, Aus Rotten, and A//Political.


Combat boots should do just nicely. These are great for hiking up and down city blocks with picket signs protesting the unfair treatment of one handed female workers in Antarctica widget factories. Converse shoes are great too, since Nike owns converse and Nike is also the #1 corporate supporter of the anarchist movement.


Get lots of bandanas. Make sure to wear them on your face whenever you go out so when you get on tv for protesting, your mom won't see that you're actually tearing down the capitalist system and not at your piano lesson. If you aren't wearing your bandana on your face, put it in your back pocket, and make damn sure it's hanging out the back...this can take some practice, to make it look like you just shoved it in there but at the same time used exact timing and precision to get the perfect "bandana hanging from back pocket" look. Ask the local hardcore kids for help on this one.


Really long mohawks with mats in them are a good start. Or you can just let all your hair grow out a bunch.


Listen to bands like Conflict, Crass, Rudimentary Peni, Flux of the Pink Indians...etc. Make sure your iPod Touch is loaded to the brim with anarcho-punk music. If you forget your iPod, just hum the tunes of your favorite songs or sing the lyrics out loud...otherwise how will other anarchists know how committed you are?


You have to only eat vegan food (duh). Why, you ask? To fight corporate dominance of course. Animals are what we anarchists like to call "unedukated capitalist retards." Animals don't believe in equality or freedom. They hate eachother (look at how many of them eat eachother) and they like living in cages (go to an animal shelter and look at how happy they all are). When eating these vile creatures, their meat goes into the stomach where it is then distributed directly to the bloodstream. This replaces our DNA with theirs, which in turn brainwashes us, making us more and more likely to ACTUALLY SUPPORT CAPITALISM. That's why we discourage the eating of animals. Animals are filthy capitalists and eating them makes your brain turn to sludge.


Did you know that the average American corporation extincts over 300 indigenous tribes of peoples around the globe EACH MONTH? Get used to hearing lots of things like that from your anarcho friends. Make sure to chime in with your own random anti-corporate fact now and then, otherwise your disestablishmentary posse might start to doubt just how commited you are to the upheaval of the unjust system. Another good thing to do instead of spewing facts is complain about corporations. The more you complain, the more gets done. This is because people hear you complaining and they think, "Yeah...that's right! Someone should definitely do something about that!" Then someone will hear THEM complain about it, and BAM! Chain reaction, soon everyone is complaining, and somebody is bound to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING somewhat related to what you originally complained about, so keep it up!


Since anarchy is about freedom, you need to convince everyone else to think the same way you do, because they won't be free unless they think exactly like you. Just be really confident about it, that way you won't have to have many valid arguments, they'll just take your word for it. If you have the chance, be sure to name off the strong points of, well...hmm. I'll get back to you on that. Like I was saying, if you see someone eating meat, be sure to scream at them and spit on their food. This will definitely convince them that "meat is murder" and shouldn't be eaten.

Shove your opinions in others people's faces constantly, reminding them that our fascist nation won't ever be free unless everyone is forced to think the same. Hand out documents on how anarchy benefited factory workers in Chile for 2 weeks, or how anarchy WOULD have worked during the Spanish Civil War if only it hadn't NOT worked. Be sure to quote Emma Goldman all the time, even if you don't know who she is.

Spotting anarcho punks

It shouldn't be too hard to see them, as they tend to live in clusters, and you can't ever see their faces. This is NOT because they're scared of getting their asses kicked, it's because uhh they usually protest during the day...and they don't get...sunburned...

  • Black Block Here they are! Notice the black and the bandanas...very cool. These people are a very original and innovative type of anarchist, called the "black block". The black block is known for its professionalism during riots and protests. They are by the far the most effective anti-capitalist group. Surely, with people like this around, it's only a matter of days before capitalism is crushed. Also, notice the leather boots...very stylish.
  • Stupid marching retards Uh oh, capitalism! Better stop oppressing us! A tsunami of angry anarchists boldly marches down the street with picket signs in defense of our constitutional right to boldly march down streets with picket signs.
  • Dumbass in gas mask spraypainting anarchy sign on wall Hell yeah! This is a great way to bring down capitalism...spraypainting anarchy signs on people's walls. People will see this and dive into torrents of philisophical deliberation about how oppressed they are. This is also a great way to boost status amongst fellow anarchists. Keep it up, and you may even have enough status to be their leader someday!

Anarchy Posers!

Some people think anarchy is about chaos and violence. This is because capitalism is very adaptive, and always finds a new way to oppress us! One way is by giving us anarchists a bad name, and skewing the definition of REAL anarchy. Here's a few examples:

  • EXTREMELY sizzling hot cheerleader in hot topic anarchy gear Rrrgg! This is capitalism striking back at anarchy! Don't be fooled...this sexy cheerleader is not really an anarchist! She is a pawn of capitalism and its mentally corrosive marketing schemes! How do I know this? Well for one, she doesn't have a bandana on her face!! Total no-no. Secondly, REAL anarchists dress head to toe in black, they don't prance around half naked with actual skin showing! Lastly, Hot Topic is a corporation dedicated to SELLING ANARCHY. Anarchy can't be sold! It has to be wor...err, lived.

The Bitter End

As you can see, we are constantly being oppressed by capitalism! We must tear this oppressive system down and in its place erect (hehe, erect) a system that is fair for everyone...all of the time. We must bring freedom to people, even if they don't want it...we have to force them to be free! That's what being an anarcho vegan punk is all about...that, and hot cheerleaders with anarchy shirts.

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