Hot Topic Punk

If you want to roll with the hot topic punks (probably my favorite type of punk out of all of them), you need to shop at Hot Topic (duh). Make sure you don't just shop there, but hang out there daily after school and during the weekends. Buy lots of clothes and CD's there since you want to support them as much as possible. Hot Topic is a great organization with pretty much everything you need to get on your way to being a true punk, especially since packaged corporate identity is the mark of any good anti-systemic philosophy.


First of all, clothes are everything, so I'll cover this section first. Make sure all your clothes come from Hot Topic. Hot Topic is your god as far as you're concerned (yes, even though there is no god...I know). If you don't get your clothes from Hot Topic, you can get them online from places like and I mean, since those places are really punk and need your money to support their selling of pants for $90 that costed $5 to make in some stupid country by some loser in a sweatshop who can't hold a real job hehe.


Make sure you buy baggy pants from Hot Topic. If you can, get the ones with zippers on them, even though you aren't sure what the zippers are me, they're cool. Plaid is cool too...if you want to look really hardcore punk, wear really baggy plaid pants with zippers in random places that serve no purpose. If those are out of your price range you might want to shoot for Dickies. Dickes may LOOK normal, but once people see the little D logo on your ass, they will realize how punk you are.


Get band shirts of The Used and Anti-Flag. Get band shirts for bands you dont even know, epecially if it has a picture of a guy screaming on it, or a skull and crossbones. Make sure the shirts are really tight, or you aren't punk. If all else fails, get a shirt that says "Don't label me" or an ANARCHY sign on it.


Wear Hot Topic combat boots. Make sure they are at least $150 before you buy them though. If those are out of your rich suburban price range, then shoot for regular shoes (anything with the colors pink and black will do nicely).


Get any kind of hat that you haven't seen anybody else wear. If you wear a cap or something, you are a complete conformist, and being a Hot Topic punk is about being completely different from everybody else. If the hat doesn't make you look like a retard, then it isn't punk. Make sure you get a "Don't label me" hat.


This is important. Make sure your hair is lots of different colors. Be sure to spend lots of money dying it every month. How will people know how punk you are if your hair isnt dyed a bunch of random colors?


Wear black wrist sweat bands like the Anti-flag guys. Wear lots of studded belts and chains and things that make you sound like a robber running away from a bank with a huge bag of change. If it takes you less than half an hour to get dressed in the morning, you aren't have to wear a lot of punk stuff or you aren't punk. Make sure you wear makeup. Only conformists don't wear makeup. Wear lots of eye shadow if you are a guy. Make sure you gauge your ears to should be able to fit your fist through your earlobes...if not, you aren't punk. Wear lipstick too. Also, get lots of checkerboard junk (purses, guitar straps, shoes, hats, etc etc). Probably the most important thing you have to wear are safety pins. Safety pins are really don't know why, but you should use them to put your Used and Anti-Flag patches on your Hot Topic sweatshirts and handbags.


Make sure you listen to lots of the Used and Anti-Flag. If you want to be really really punk (be careful now, people will just be amazed how punk you are) be sure to listen to the Casualties. Hot Topic should have some casualties patches or even shirts you can get. Buy as many of them as you can. Listen to the casualties new cd's every time you turn on your $500 stereo.


Here's one thing to may think of yourself as 100% punk, but it's important to never admit that you're punk. If people ask you what being punk is about, just say "What makes you think I'm punk??" or "Don't label me, you conformist". It's not cool to admit you're punk. Make sure you spend lots of your suburban parent's money on punk clothes since punk is about supporting capitalism and greedy companies like the Gap...oops did I say the Gap?! I MEANT Hot Topic. Remember that punk is about not conforming to anybody's rules, not even your own. So if someone tells you to do something, don't do it (unless you'll get in trouble, in which case you should do it sheepishly). If someone starts making fun of you, try to hold back the tears and pretend like you don't hear them until you can make it to the nearest private crying spot. It's ok for punks to cry as long as nobody sees you. Make sure you wear anarchy clothes because anarchy is cool. Anarchy is about killing people and stealing stuff without getting in trouble. You think this is cool. Make sure you think about anarchy a lot and draw the anarchy symbol on all the desks at school. If someone tells you that anarchy would never work, just ignore them. What do they know anyway? They just don't understand what anarchy is about because they don't get the anarchy wristbands at Hot Topic. Conformists...

Upholding your "status"

To make sure people know how punk you are, go around whining about how you wish there was anarchy. Also, make fun of people who wear Abercrombie and Fitch. These people are conformists because of the clothes they wear. Also, they have lots of money, and you hate rich people, even though you are filthy rich and mommy and daddy spend lots of suburban money on your Hot Topic clothes...but it's ok to be rich as long as you use your money to support great companies like Hot Topic. Go to lots of local shows to prove to everyone how scene and punk you are. Complain about pop culture and Avril Lavigne. Always make fun of people who don't look like you do...they must be conformists if they don't dress exactly like you do.


There are no posers in Hot Topic punk (can you figure out why?), but there are conformists. Let's take a look at a few so we can tell them from nonconformists:

  • Stupid Conformist Here's a stupid conformist. He's wearing a Gap shirt, and anybody who gets clothes from Gap (or any store owned by Gap) is a complete conformist idiot with too much fucking money on their hands. He's obviously a bad person because he spends lots of money on his clothes...kind of like you, but it's ok when you do it since it's for a good cause. I'd kick this scrawny conformist's ass myself, but I'd probably lose.
  • Avril the hot sk8er chick This is Avril Lavigne! What a conformist! You should ALWAYS complain about how much you hate her even though you spend hundreds of dollars trying to look like her. Nevermind that, though. Conformist bitch!
  • Mohawks, studs, and leather. Secretly, you wish you looked like these guys, but since you can't, you might as well hate them! Look at their dumb mohawks! Those idiots all dress the same, and obviously they can't rebel because they wear clothes that are similar to eachother, and rebellion is about fashion and swearing a lot.

REAL punks

Now for some REAL punks who actually shop at real punk stores that aren't owned by Abercrombie or the Gap or anything like that.

  • Hardcore Hot Topic Punks WOW!! Look at these people. Dyed hair and everything...right outside of HoT ToPiC too! Yay capitalism! I mean uhh...notice the makeup too. And their mean looking faces...grr. Now that's scary. No really that's the one on the left a man or woman? Or is it some sort of bottom-feeding swamp creature? Who cares! Punk is punk!
  • AFI...the kewlest band EVER Derr it's AFI. They practically started punk with their dyed hair and makeup. AFI single handedly made it cool for guys to wear makeup, and thank god they did, now you can rebel in a socially acceptable way. They don't sing about anything important...but if they did that, they wouldn't be as popular as they are now! AFI is THE band to listen to if you want to be punk. Be sure to pick up their newest merchandise at Hot Topic.
  • Crybabies 'The Used' Wow it's The Used! Probably the most punk band to ever walk the face of the earth. You should worship the ground these guys walk on...wait are they guys or girls? That seems to be a major problem in this genre...but hell, if being a guy that looks like a girl (or a crack addict in withdrawl) is what's punk nowadays, sign me up!!

In conclusion!

That's how to be a Hot Topic punk. There are lots of rules that you have to follow, but there's lots of flexibility within the rules...that way, you don't have to be a conformist to be punk.

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