Ok folks...this is the real thing. You've all been waiting for it. I know you have. This is "how to be a really real punk"!!


First things first...forget hot topic and pop culture. You have to start making your own clothes now. Why? Well, nobody really knows, but it's pretty cool anyway. You have to get a vest or a leather jacket and stud it. Get your patches from some kind of punk store or make them yourself. Paint logos on your vest too. Everytime somebody says the word system (even if completely out of context), you have to shout "FUCK THE SYSTEM!!" really loud. That way, everyone knows how punk you are. To be a really real type of punk, it's best to live at home with your mom and it also helps to be in high school, since you know the most about the world when you're living at home and not making your own way in life. It's ok if you live by yourself, just be sure to keep your mouth shut when the KNOWLEGIBLE punks are talking. Make sure you complain about oppression and capitalism, but never suggest alternatives...just complain, like liberals. Regurgitate song lyrics from well-known punk songs so people know you're the real-deal (Exmpl: "NAZI PUNKS FUCK OFF!"). You have to go to lots of punk shows like the subhumans and the UK subs. Make sure not to listen to the lyrics, just jump around and hit people next to you. Being big into the scene is really important, since punk is a fashionable music scene, not a culture. You should go to punk shows even if you hate the bands playing, that way people will see how committed you are. If other punks start talking about politics or whatever just agree with whatever they say (unless they start bashing anarchy). Tell everyone you're DIY, even if you don't know what DIY stands for. Get a mohawk or spike your hair, otherwise you aren't punk. Always proclaim your hate for hippies and "punks" who don't look like you. Be sure to just copy other punks in general because that's how it's done.


You have to be an anarchist. Anarchy = Punk. Make sure you smoke, since smoking is cool, and all anarchists smoke. Anarchy...what is it? Who the fuck cares! The sex pistols sang about it, and all the other punks seem to like it, so why not jump on the bandwagon? Be sure to shout "ANARCHY!!" at random people. This will show them that you mean business and you aren't just playing around. Since anarchy is about, like, chaos and destruction, you have to go around spraypainting stuff on walls and making taxpayers repaint public buildings since taxpayers are part of the system and...yeah, fuck the system. It's ok to hate the system since you take NO part in it whatsoever.


Remember to get everything from punk stores or thrift shops. That way, you pay less for them or something like that.


Wear tight pants. Simple as that. Sew some patches onto them so if you forget your jacket or something, people will still know you are really punk.


Wear second-hand combat boots or skinhead doc martins. Converse high cuts (nevermind the whole NIKE thing) are cool too.


Get band shirts of bands who sing about anarchy and stuff. Stay away from afi, rancid and nofx, they're posers. Get Unseen shirts and Exploited "punks not dead" shirts. Maybe sex pistols or ramones. They have to be tight shirts, or you're a poser. This is where you can forget that whole DIY thing. Since punk is about fashion and looking cool, you have to make a few compromises, right? Right. Oh, and remember to get lots of Casualties shirts. The Casualties sure are punk! They have really spikey hair. That's punk.


Get whitey tighties since boxers bunch up in your tight pants.


Get a denim vest or a leather jacket. Buy studs and put them in yourself. Sew on patches. If you are lazy, you can probably find a jacket on ebay for around $50. Wear this everywhere since it is proof of how punk you are. Make sure you put lots of Casualties and Exploited patches all over it, since it's punk to like those bands. Make sure you wear your new jacket all the time. Even if it's 90 degrees out, wear your leather jacket to prove to everyone how punk you are. Also remember...the more studs, the punker you are. It should weigh AT LEAST 30 pounds after all the studs are on there.


Alright here's what real punks look like. Looks are everything, so all you have to do is copy these people and you will be 100% punk! Pretty easy, huh? Yeah, that's what I thought too until my mom's sewing machine broke. Anyway...

  • Very clean suburbia trash These guys are really punk, probably because they're wearing Exploited and Casualties shirts. Also, look at all the studs and patches. Remember, studs = social status. People will respect you more if you have more studs. Have you ever seen a more clean-cut looking bunch? I'm sure these guys would kick fucking ass in the pit if they didn't have to worry about messing up their hair.
  • Punk getting arrested Getting arrested is cool. Make sure if you get arrested, it's for partying too loud or for being drunk in public. If you get arrested at an action or protest, you are a stupid sandal-wearing hippy. Cops are assholes! You should hate them. Why? Cops keep you from drinking in public and swearing at people!! You should be able to do that stuff whenever you want!! Anarchy man!!
  • Punk on his totally punk cell phone Make sure you talk on your punk cell phone. I can't use mine because it's in the shop right now...I found out the hard way that you can't stud a cell phone. You can still paint band logos on it though...if you are truly punk, that is. Cell phones are punk if you have dyed hair and a studded leather jacket.


As you can see, being punk is about appearance and proving to everyone just how punk you are. Be sure to go to lots of shows and drink a lot of beer. Fuck the police! Woooo! Just try to be home before 7pm or your mom might get mad and take away your dessert for a whole week (happened to me, and believe me, you don't want it to happen to you). I used all the time I would have spent eating dessert on studding my jacket though, so the joke is on her!!!!! ANARCHY!!

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